I sat there crying
feeling numb
too many sensations
burying me.
My tears didn’t mean anything,
you weren’t really gone.
You couldn’t be.

I saw you this morning,
we made plans for tomorrow
(“it’s been so hot!”
“Let’s get ice cream at Rita’s!”)
Rita’s will still be there,
so maybe you will too.

You told me we’d be together forever
till the end.
Until we’re so old we can’t even remember meeting.
You promised me
and then you left me

We were friends, weren’t we?
If we were friends
why didn’t you trust me enough to ask me for help?
Why didn’t you let me in?
Why didn’t you let me know?

Did I really mean so little to you?

Maybe if your parents weren’t so strict,
maybe if we lived closer,
maybe if I mentioned something about your wrists
rather than letting the pinkness grow into scars
maybe then you’d still be here with me.

There are so many maybes floating through my head
but the maybes will never lead me to you

because you FUCKING left me!
Did you hate me THAT MUCH?!
I can’t fucking do this without you!
We were each other’s life support
and now I’m floating through this storm
unsure if I’ll make it ashore.

It’s like you just let go!
You didn’t even think about the fact
that we were attached at the heels
and now I’m struggling to stay afloat
as you drag me down with you!

Please GOD let this be a bad dream!
Let me wake up tomorrow and know that you’ll be there!
I’ll do anything!
I’ll see you every day
I’ll ask you how you are
I’ll tell you to stop cutting
just please!

This… isn’t going away…
this is never going away…
cold metal strokes my arms
and I understand the power it had over you…
every color is just another shade of gray
no one understands,
but they spend every second telling me they do…
they don’t…
they can’t…
I lost my heart that day…
My heart…
It was attached to you
and drained out, same as yours.
Now I live with a hollow, cold, thing
in my chest
and I just want it gone
because nothing feels as real as you felt.
Nothing IS as real as you were…





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