So you give yourself these menial tasks
hoping that at the end of the day, you will be OK.
It’s better than those days that you can’t get out of bed
because you’re stuck in your head
feeling like there isn’t any point in living.

Feeling like no one cares
because no one’s there
to see your suffering.
And you’re SUFFERING!
You.
Are.
Suffering.

I know it doesn’t seem like much
because you can’t put a feeling to it.
It’s just there.
And some days,
some days you wake up happy
and for some reason,
it could be the way the clouds are moving
the way the wind is blowing
the way you’re tiptoeing
around this feeling that could leave at any moment
and then suddenly it’s gone and you are spiraling.

You don’t want to move
you don’t want to work
you don’t want to live
but you keep going just knowing that maybe
at the end of the day something will change.

Why wake up when you know
it’s just going to go
the same way over and over day by day
And there isn’t any way to stop it
because as far as you know
time is linear.
And you are speeding down that highway
not ever slowing just going.
Just going.

And so you give yourself these menial tasks
hoping that at the end of the day, you will be OK.
Because the alternative is much worse.
You could find yourself one day at the edge
Looking over
thinking that it might not be so bad to just jump
thinking it might not be so bad to just go
because what is here for you
but pain and heartache
what is here for you
but this aching
this constant aching
Wanting more or less from life
You don’t even know
You just want to go

And so you go
But it’s all in your head
As you sleep in your bed
Planning out every aspect of your life perfectly
Because a dream can still come true,
But life is now and it’s not worth living for you.

And so you give yourself these MENIAL tasks
hoping that at the end of the day, YOU will be OK.
Hoping that those small victories
are enough
to fill that void that’s been growing in your soul
because God only knows
how much longer you can subdue it.

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