is something I never wondered about
until I didn’t
longing to be a part of something.
Longing for companionship.
Longing for the warmth of friends.
How can making friends be so easy
at 5
but so hard
at 24?
when was the last time I met someone new?
Not at work, not cause I had to
but just went up to a total stranger and
got to know them…
When did ‘fitting in’ become scary
and foreign
and new
and difficult.
Has my personality changed?
or have I distanced myself from the people who knew me best?
Do I even know myself anymore?
can I belong to myself
and to others?
Or do I lose the ability to belong
when I close myself off to only me?
Have I chosen myself over everyone else?
something I don’t feel often anymore.
A distant memory
that tickles my heart
when brought forward
but aches when held there too long.
Maybe I don’t want to belong,
maybe I’ll never belong,
maybe I never belonged…

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